10 Feb

I am going to go absolutely insane one day- I can feel it starting already.  As for how it will manifest, I don’t know exactly.  My growing dementia does, however, currently manifest in many innocent and clever ways.  Some of which I will be sharing with you here on this blog.  My hope is that by recognizing early the signs of an oncoming dementia I can give insight into how it so steals us into its clutches.

I don’t wish to prevent it or turn back from it in fear.  What sort of stability is there really in this world?  What a game of Jenga they all play when they pull piece after piece away and the structure still collapses- each time though, there “we” all are, ready to rebuild it again so that we can start the ticker once more from zero.  And rightfully so, I suppose, the world is never going to change.  May as well make the best of it.  In the same breath though, may I remind you that it’s always changing.  The world is constantly in a state of flux, and the animals don’t mind either, they seem to enjoy the change in the same manner that man once enjoyed the change of seasons- most people probably wouldn’t notice today if they weren’t constantly reminded through advertising, the literature of our age, that even if they aren’t keen on shopping they ought to at least consider purchasing a few new outfits, you know, for the season.  Nope, whoever first said it was correct I’m afraid- there is bliss in ignorance, and conversely, if you know any more than a modicum of just how this world works, there is ironically no shutting off the desire to learn more.  How far down the rabbit hole?  A million metaphors throughout time tell this melancholy tale, but the bitch of it all is that it never gets old and it never gets learned.  While history goes on repeating itself people keep inventing and CONSUMING distractions that steer them off course from their intended purpose.* I am just beaming to know that I have once again regained that adventurous spirit that is in all of us just waiting to be awakened.

Please don’t take me wrong, I may sound preachy at times, but that is not my intention.  I merely want to share the tale of a man going nuts as he attempts to relate to fellow man.  I find the irony in everything and have no reservations about pointing it out at times, just take it all in and judge for yourself where along the curve you are at this moment in terms of “getting it.”  Enjoy day to day, checking in to see if I am making any use of all of this exciting…shall we call it “data?”  Knowledge sounds so pedantic.  Wisdom, cliche.  Neither of those are entirely accurate anyway-  I felt pompous even typing those words.  And for the record, I never claimed to possess  either.   I just like to talk a lot, but I want to know that at least some of what I’ve said meant something to someone.  I hope I’m not too far off base here…

*Of course, I realize that blogs are, in essence, distractions.  I want to define, for our purposes, a distraction as any activity which doesn’t require the participant to be entirely engaged.  So, for example, channel surfing or surfing the web are most likely being “participated in”, distractions, whereas actual surfing, for instance requires the participant to be “engaged.”  Any activity in which thinking is a requisite factor isn’t really a distraction in my book, it’s a hobby.  Habitual television watching or excessive internet fucking about is a way to pass time, to forget momentarily how bad your life actually sucks.  It is precisely this intentional re-wording of social constructs that is in large part, to blame for the inevitable decline of any society.  Where “spacing out” and “daydreaming” yield to more benign phrases like “channel surfing” we see a big disconnect concerning people’s attitudes towards apathy vs. action…Again, not preachy.  Just observant…conversant…I am dying here!



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